Not in an unkind way, they were just interested.
And I thought about it, and didn't give a very complete answer because it was late and I was very tired.
But, because there are times when I've forgotten, I thought I should put down a few of the reasons here, so I can remind myself why I do this.
I Write...
Because I couldn't work a 9-5 job. Actually scratch that. Because true though it is, it's not about the 9-5. I couldn't work a job which didn't feel like an adventure. That didn't feel like fun most of the time. And though writing is hard graft, it doesn't feel like it when I'm doing it. I write because I get to live in a world of dragons and adventures and magic, with every emotion that ever was writ larger than life and I get to call that a job.
Because I'd like to think I'm good at it. I can turn my hand to a lot of things, but finding the right word in the right situation is something I've always been able to do. Again, I'm not saying I don't have to work at it, but I have a lot of natural talent in this area to build on. I don't want to let that go to waste.
Because I always have. There has never been a time when I have not been making up stories in my head. I couldn't stop if I tried, and I don't want to. I love writing, but more than that, I have to write. And if I can con the world into paying me for doing something that I can't stop doing in the first place, I'll do it.
Because I want to be loved. I want to be appreciated for something that I do. I want to make people happy, to entertain them. To make them like me, or at least the things I can make.
But most importantly of all;
Because books have got me through some of the worst times of my life and brought further joy to some of the best. Good Art - whether it be written or performed or hanging on the wall - can keep people going. Can speak to them in ways that nothing else in the world can. I can read words written by someone long dead and see myself in them, know I am thinking and feeling the same things that they did once. Art is a reminder of our common humanity; in a vast, scary world it is a voice in the darkness saying "You are not alone."
I want to do that. I want to be the person creating the art that gets people through. That makes them laugh, that makes them cry - maybe even that makes them think. I want to leave my mark on the world, and think that in generations to come, someone else might read something I've written and wonder at the fact that they're feeling exactly the same thing. I don't kid myself that what I have to say is unique and special and profound - actually it's the opposite. It's the very fact that it's not unique which makes it important. I want to reach people and say "You are not alone".
This would be test #4, by the way.
The first two, I can kind of write off as "I wasn't ready, but my instructors put me in for them anyway, so no surprises there."
The third, I genuinely thought I could pass, but made some stupid mistakes, and spent a lot of time beating myself up for them, which caused more mistakes, which caused me to fail it.
Today's...
Well, the thing is, by now I really need to get my license. I mean, really need it. Not being allowed to drive is a serious pain in the ass. I say "not being allowed" because the thing is, I can drive. I can drive absolutely fine when I'm not being judged on it. But when the pressure is on to pass - which it is, and always will be - my nerves get the better of me, and I start to fuck up. I'm getting a tiny, tiny amount of minors (4 and 5 on my last two tests respectively. Seriously. That's it. Driving instructors have to pass their test with less than 3.) but then something unexpected happens, and I'm too wound up to react properly, and I get a serious and it's all over.
Today, I failed on two really stupid things - 1. I'd pulled in, and was shifting forwards to get better positioning, and my indicator came off, so a car behind me had to slow down to see if I was pulling out again (which, come on, is that really a serious? I wasn't indicating *out* again, I thought it was clear what I was doing, ffs...) and 2. I was trying to manoeuvre around a bus at a stop, and moved over into the right hand side of the road without indicating (it was a wide road, but a single lane of traffic) and some stupid fucking taxi came storming down on the right hand side, and had to break behind me. I know I fucked up, and should have at least indicated that I was moving out, but fucking taxis...
The thing is, number 2 at least, if not both of those faults, wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been so fucking nervous. They both happened within the first ten minutes or so of the test, when I hadn't had a chance to settle into things - not that I really do, but the point still stands.
And I have no idea how to get over the panic, and I'm starting to wonder if this means I'll never be able to pass this bloody test.
I have tried everything I can think of to calm down and relax - treat it like a normal driving lesson, don't panic, slow down, take it steady, breathe, etc - but it's not working. I'm seriously considering taking a fucking sedative before the next one, it's getting that silly.
The worst thing is that my instructor - Keith - who is brilliant, and the first person who actually *gets* me when I'm driving, and knows exactly how to get the best from me - is planning to move. And soon. I don't know how soon, exactly, but soon. So I may not have him for much longer. Which pretty much means starting from scratch again for me if I haven't passed my test by then. And I'm not sure I have the strength to do that again. I've already got the next test booked in, but I need, need, need, some way of controlling my nerves before I take it. Because 5 tests is already too many.
So, another Easter, another Strom, another Costume, another tent in a field... Let me tell you about it...
The Good
Blackberry and the wonderful, wonderful, wonderful amazing people at sanctuary - who I still need to thank more - for taking a soggy, bedraggled, overworked eidolon and filling it full of tea and food and giving it back-rubs until it was happy fun stabby eidolon again.
Experimental Shamanism was a success!
Rumours of my explosion due to experimental shamanism were greatly exaggerated!
Raoul annoys me, Raoul flees my wrath outside the ghost fence where I can't get him, Raoul trips in mud. Earthquake approves.
Being hailed as the Eye of Coyote by a mildly jealous Blizzard, after being a very naughty girl this DT...
The Night of Martyrs - from an OC perspective, hearing Tiri's name read out gave me chills.
New Sword and Main Gauche from Light Armouries - Soooooo pretty, plus now I'm finally fighting with the weapons I'm best with OC! Pity I did not get to stab enough...
Charging out of the gate on Friday ready to kill everything, in a nice early Non-Bottle
My faithful getting blessed to high heaven - and getting to deliver at least one of those blessings myself. Which ended up being perfectly done, if not quite as I'd planned it...
Rachida's new Look. Hell Yes! :D
Threatening to cut people for continually asking me to repeat the experimental shamanism. Being scary stabbity eidolon is fun, but sadly I seem to have become fluffier than an Earthquake eidolon really should be... This may have gone some way to rectifying the balance.
I looked Fucking awesome :D
Deep theological discussions with Thane, and their eventual result - "You were never really one of mine, but we could have made you great".
Fun with Vild - especially whilst attempting to convert impressionable Kitty to Jaguar.
"Warbird, can you come here a sec?"
"Why? What is it?"
"I don't know, I just got asked to find a competent Eidolon."
A very FOIP little meeting in the dark with a contact I didn't know, from an ally I'd never met face to face, about very secret information... made me feel like James Bond.
Being the Eidolon who Knows Everything - running around on the Sunday night, making sure everyone was kept informed.
Having Flambard and the White Jackets explained to me as this character, and thinking "Really? I don't remember us being like that!"
Finding out That true name, and spreading it like a Flembic Governess...
Watching undead and eidolons being fired from the trebuchet
Being eaten by a bug - best form of dispatch ever! If slightly tickly...
Dread lord Fucknose
Conversations in the Maelstrom - of fallen, wendigo, Ilini and the like
The Bad
Something in particular that nearly happened didn't come off in the end - for the best of reasons - but still a disappointment.
Deity team being overworked and understaffed, meaning all but 2 of my imperatives were Vanilla ones.
Fucking Rat Tribe and their Fucking Ghost fence! Treking from the arse end of the field to the Maelstrom tent back to the arse end of the field only to need discorporating again, because you wanted to pop out on the other side of the wall, and got "appear in the serpent shrine" not "appear in the tavern" because you've got the wrong mission... trust me, it gets old fast.
Itchy wig is itchy. But compensated for by looking awesome. But caught on everything. And got wet. But looked awesome!
Couldn't go on the sortie due to bad ankle - yet again getting left behind when there is murdering to be done :p
Couldn't nail anything on Blind Harvey in the end... curses!
The Ugly
Fucking Cold - backs of hands are dry and chapped to high heaven. As is face. Whilst not as bad as Celestial Gala of the Snowstorm, the cold very definitely prevented a certain amount of roleplay and fun.
Fucking Wet - everything is mud. All mud. All of it.
Fucking Boots - ancient CCF things that I've had since I was 13 (so, that's about 12 years now, and all things considered that's a pretty good run) concertina-ing at the back, and digging into my ankle. About time for new boots, says I.
Fucking sword baldric - in principle, really awesome, and will be really useful, but turned my right shoulder into one solid knot.
In Conclusion
Bit of a mixed bag of an event. Not helped by the weather. Seriously, seriously hoping the next one will be sunny.
Special mention must go to all the people who made the event wonderful in all the places that it was - Blackberry and all at Sanctuary; the White Wolves - especially Thane; All the Earthquake faithful; All the eidolons - native and invader - for being awesome in my direction, and/or listening politely whilst I got all theological; everyone I tried to convert; Both of Bunni's characters for being funbugs; All at the daggers for giving me free drinks because my alter-ego works there... and I'm sure there's many more I've forgotten to mention.
So tired now!
And only 3 more left to go...
I was a Teenage Anarchist - Against Me!
Dancing With Myself - Billy Idol
FNT - Semisonic
Because of the Shame - Against Me!
Cowboy Cassanova - Carrie Underwood
Better with the Lights Off - New Boyz
Poison - Alice Cooper
Love Love - Take That
Riptide - Sick Puppies
Any other suggestions of music in the same vein conditionally accepted :D
- Feeling:
bouncy
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92){kind=small}
safer666 and ramuth, and a copy of the Top Gear Challenges DVD. We have created a monster... The Top Gear Drinking Game.
I'm sure there are already versions of drink-along-with-Top-Gear out there, but this is ours. And I'm very very sorry.
The Rules:
Divide into three persons or teams. Each team is randomly allocated either Clarkson, May or Hammond.
Watch the DvD.
Drink at the appropriate moments, until no-one is safe to even go near a car, let alone drive it.
Everyone must drink when:
- The presenters graffiti, mess with, sabotage or "help" with each other's vehicles
- One of the presenters addresses the viewer directly.
- They reference another BBC program or presenter.
- Someone is abandoned.
- Whenever you see a golden challenge envelope.
- Someone is particularly Un-PC in their humour.
- The Stig is introduced.
- They play music from the A-Team or someone says "cue the music"
- Someone tempts fate by saying "How hard can it be?" or similar.
- You hear the theme music.
- Something is set on fire.
- Law enforcement agencies (police, coastguard etc) appear.
- Their presenter's car breaks down.
- Their presenter's nickname is mentioned.
- Their presenter modifies their vehicle mid-challenge.
- Their presenter wins the challenge.
Clarkson:
- Whenever he uses superlative hyperbole ("I am the most miserable man alive!" etc)
- Whenever he wields a hammer or power tool
- Whenever he yells "Come On!!!"
May:
- Whenever he swears, or mentions male genitalia. If he says "Oh Cock", drink twice.
- Whenever anyone mentions or references The War.
- Whenever he goes on about anything overly technical and dull.
Hammond:
- Whenever he loses his temper.
- Whenever someone makes a joke about his height or teeth.
- Whenever he's picky about food.
As if this weren't enough... there is also a Hard Mode. In this, in addition to the above rules, everyone drinks when:
- Particularly Epic music plays
- Your presenter giggles/laughs maniacally
- Your presenter is bragging about their vehicle
- Any time anyone says the word "horsepower"
- Continually drink during tech specs.
- Whenever someone cheats.
- The phrase "You blithering Idiot" is said.
- Your presenter is running on telly.
- Whenever James is singing
- Whenever he gets lost
- Whenever Hammond Yells incoherently
- or says "Brilliant!"
Put it this way, we ran out of Fangria before we ran out of DvDs...
As this is mostly a spring-cleaning initiative, I'm only wanting a pittance for most of these (plus postage), so make me an offer!
If of course, people decide to make me very shiny offers of monies, then I am thinking of using said monies to fund either getting Anticthon off the ground, or a filming project I have in mind by the name of Angel P.I. So if anyone specifically says "I will pay you lots of monies for this item, but only if you spend it on making Shiny Project come true," then that is what I will do!
Please post here if you would like to reserve/buy an item - first come first served. You can also message me here, or via fb or email if you have my details.
I only post to the UK, most major forms of payment accepted.
Pics are Here:
List of items Here:
Pair black goth/cyberpunk trousers, approx size 14, BNWT - Reserve price £25
Pair blue tie-dyed dungarees, size 14-16
Per Una black + grey striped jumper/ long top, size 16, BNWT
Black velvet, corset/bustier, small (size 8-10 maybe?). Slightly mucky but should clean up easily.
From Me To You bear pyjamas, ostensibly size 16 but slightly on the small side.
White tribal-patterned top, ¾ sleeves, should fit approx size 14.
Cream Top-Shop cardigan, size 12
Blue Top-Shop cardigan, size 14
Grey H&M cardigan, ¾ sleeves, size M – should fit approx size 12-14
Baby-blue M&S ¾ sleeved top, size 10, but very stretchy.
M&S black leggings, size 16 long, BNWT
This is the first batch - there may be more; I tend to hoard a lot and it depends how much I eventually decide to part with.
If no-one is interested, they'll be going to charity or on ebay, but friends get first refusal.
Who the Fuck is this woman in the Avengers trailers?
Why the Fuck has she not had A SINGLE LINE YET, let alone a whole movie setting her up, like the rest of the gang?
and
Why the Fuck is there only one of her, while I can count at least 5 blokes (not counting Mr Badass himself, Nick Fury)?
Ok, I admit, I'm a DC girl at heart... but looking at the Marvel Cannon a bit more closely, I am still really struggling to think of any female characters they've done. With the exception of all the X-Women. Who are still called X-Men.*
There's Shulkie (She-Hulk for the uninitiated) - Who is essentially The Hulk with boobs...
And Electra, who I know nothing about save the name...
And the girl from the Fabulous Four or Famous Five or whoever they are; The Invisible Woman**
And is that it?
Apparently not according to this list, but that said, I'll give you a shiny penny if you could name half of the women listed there without looking. And how many of Marvel's women are headliners? I can think of 2. Shulkie and Electra.
Now, I know, the current situation of women in comics is crap, really crap, so maybe it's unfair of me to single out Marvel like this...
So let's look at DC. How many DC Heroines can you name? I'm pretty sure you'll recognise at least some of the following.
Wonder Woman (Plus Donna Troy, Wonder Girl and all the Amazons)
Catwoman
Power Girl
Oracle
Batgirl
All of the Birds of Prey. Not some of them, like the X-Women, or a token one in the Fab Four, ALL OF THEM.
Zatanna
Huntress
Black Canary
Super Girl
About half the Green Lanterns
And that's just the ones who Headline their own series.
And how about their iconic Villains? Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, the Cheetah and all that lot?
I'm calling Marvel out on this one.
But I'm also calling DC out on this one too, because, of all those women I've just listed, I think one of them has had a movie made about her (Catwoman) and it wasn't great. I am really annoyed that at the very least they haven't done a Wonder Woman film yet. She's one of the Big Three, and the other two (Batman and Superman) have had Multiple films.
Come on Comics World and Hollywood - there is a whole other 50% of the world out there who would love to be allowed to Kick Ass on the big screen!
*And, ok, I really like the X-men, though some of the films are a little problematic in their treatment of women. Heck, at least their women *exist*, there are plenty of them and they aren't just girlfriends of the main characters.
** Which says it all really.
So I did!
And that was a year ago...
I didn't keep up with all the reviews, but I did keep a list, and I've just finished doing a round-up of all the books, and a whole load of statistics about my reading habits for 2011.
Check it out! You might even enjoy it a bit. I did actual maths and everything. And proved that literate I may be, but numeracy is not my strong suit.
And I actually think that I enjoyed it enough to want to give it another go, and do another year's worth of reading. Possibly with a review system that's simpler (stars out of 10 or something, or a few pithy sentences) so I'll actually keep up with them.
But hey, it's been a good year in books.
Jokingly, Doug and I have started referring to this beast as the third person in our marriage.
And I'm not sure why....
See, ok, it's good. There's nothing wrong with it, it's a decent game.
I love the magic system - I love the look of the magic especially. Elder Scrolls has always been my one game where I really enjoy playing specifically mages*, and Skyrim is no different. I am loving my Breton with lightning in one hand and healery in the other. I cast like I'm in Saturday Night Fever. Hell yes.
But the thing is, apart from the dragons, this is just like any other Elder Scrolls game.
I have found myself impulsively stealing books and collecting Nirnroot and spending hours trying to find the one guy who can sell me a fricking bedroom only for some reason he doesn't have it any more, what the hell game?
And I still can't climb the frelling** mountains, and spend hours looking for the sodding way to the top.
And I spend hours trying to find the sodding dungeon doorway or the way back out, or the way back in after I've lugged all my loot back to the shop and can now finish clearing out the rest of the dungeon...
And through all of this I'm watching How I Met Your Mother *** and vaguely wondering why I care about these characters, or even if I care about them, with the possible exception of Lydia, my Housecarl, who is the most useless creature imagineable and who I hate with a fiery passion. So much that I'm leaving her at home. Housecarl? She's been demoted to housekeeper. This is mainly because I haven't figured out how to give her stuff so's I can make her my packhorse, so I don't have to do quite so many frelling runs back to the shops to unload my loot.
God damn it, this is an annoyingly addictive game, and I don't know why, because it's no frelling different from any of the other Elder Scrolls games, apart from the fact that it is marginally prettier and I like the magic. So WHY CAN'T I STOP PLAYING IT???
Oh, also, Happy Christmas everyone!****
And New Year!
And all that Jazz!
*Oh, and also DA:O - but then I love everything in DA:O
**Yes I said "frelling", get over it.
***Which is Awesome, btw
****and/or whichever winterval festival you care to celebrate!
Love Love - Take That
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